I've put in serious hours in the past week editing and re-writing my manuscript and already the story has started to evolve in a much different way to the original document that has appeared here. The one thing I have noticed during the editing process is the trap of using words and certain phrases repetitively throughout - so that has been my aim in the initial edit - to remove or reword certain passages so that they sound a little more unique and a lot less repetitive.
I have also focused on character development. Looking at each of the characters and refining their contribution to the story. In particular I have changed Andy's story quite a bit. I mean he is still heading in the same direction but I have made clearer some of the things that help him to realize that his life is pretty much in the shitter right now and that he needs to change. I have also made Denny more of a character in so much as his spirit is more of a character.
I'll continue to hone and refine the document in the coming weeks and then get some input from other people. A friend of mine who does proof reading as a side thing has offered to help me out so I hope she can really take my manuscript apart and help me improve it.
I have also started making contact with the publishers of the Foo Fighters music - asking for their permission to reproduce the lyrics of the song "Come Alive" which features on their 2008 release "Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace". I have used a couple of lines from that song in the story mainly as cues to drive Andy's thought processes during his reverie. I have also used a couple of lines of dialogue from the movie Bladerunner which I only just remembered doing when I started reviewing the manuscript this week so I have emailed Warner Brothers in the States with a similar request. We'll see if they actually respond.
I'll talk more soon.
Dean from Australia.