Sometimes in life, one's brain just refuses to kick into gear, when the creative part of the brain knows it has something to get out there but it's like someone putting a thumb to the roof of your mouth and preventing you from uttering a sound. The common term for this among writers is that of "writer's block" This is why I haven't posted a new instalment of Indissolubilis Diligo in while. I have an instalment on the table right now but I am not sure whether I am happy with it.
I know I said that this project was going to be 'on the fly' and I was going to put it up here and just let it be as it were - but I have becoming picky...well - I was always picky - but in the quest for perfection I have allowed that to creep into The Project.
Sometimes I look at what I have just written and I go "fuck it - this is bullshit". And then I think - you know - who is reading this anyway? No one probably. I am just wasting my time. But then I step back and try to look at things more rationally and think - this is a project of love more than money because, let's face it, I am not making any money from this.
This story like a certain other story of mine has been kicking around inside my head for years and it is something I have wanted to get out onto a page for years. I always imagined that this story would be a kind of short story or novella, just a sweet love story about a love and a spirit that refuses to die. Now that I have begun with it I have mixed feelings - pride - because now it has a life, because it is documented and frustration because I seem to be so bloody prone to writer's block and I can't seem to find a way forward right now. Life gets in the way too and that makes it hard. Family responsibilities, work, getting through...
So should I just post whatever I have right now as bad as I think it is? Should I continue to polish it and procrastinate over it and run the risk of delay delay delay?
What to do, what to do?
My love affair with writing is a beast of a thing...