Editing The Dream - Part 11.

I stamped FINAL on my manuscript this morning - just before midday.

Over the past two days I have been pleasantly ensconced at my holiday house at American River/Kangaroo Island with a stunning view of a lagoon, working on the final edits suggested to me by my editor J. who supplied me with a brilliant set of notes with her edit. I didn't take me as long as I thought to achieve it but then again I kinda lost track of time, particularly yesterday when I got the bulk of the work done.

I made a few minor tweaks of my own which came to me late in the peace but were ones that I felt were of value in order to enhance the mystery of the early part of the novel. So now I sit before my laptop with Keith and the Girl playing on my smart phone writing this and feeling a sense of accomplishment and a sense of sadness. There is nothing more to do to the story. I can't see anything in it that I can improve on or change. I no longer need to inhabit this world that I created on my own, in my head and transmitted it to paper (or the computer as it were). I have come to really like the characters that I created, their simple ways, their flaws, their hopes and their dreams. I am happy with the settings that I have populated. Although I haven't been able to visit the city of Chicago - where part of the novel is set - I hope I have portrayed it in such a way that sounds authentic. I did a lot of reading about Chicago during the writing of the novel and have had contact with many people there. The places here in Australia were much easier to portray as I have experienced them all first hand. And I liked them a lot.

So now - where to? Well I need to bed down the cover art for the book still and I need to come up with a decent bio blurb about myself. I have discovered that it is much harder to do than I thought. And then I cast myself and my work forth for consideration. Beyond that - once the work is out there - the job of promoting it HARD begins. And I intend to make use of as many resources online as I can...

Back to feeding the baby...

DFA.

Editing the Dream - Part 10.

Today was a really exciting day.

I spent most of the early hours of this morning checking my email via my smart phone because my editor tipped that she would complete her edit of my manuscript. As I was working in the Neonatal ICU (where phones are supposedly not allowed - even though the worst offenders in breaking this rule are the consultant physicians!!), I kept stealing the "occasional" (ie. every ten minutes or so) check of my account. I tweeted that I don't think I've been this excited to receive something in the mail - not even my university grades! Sure enough, as promised, the manuscript hit my inbox just as I was leaving work at 7AM. I fairly burst with excitement and I think I even broke into a skip as I crossed the street outside the hospital - a mid 30's man with facial hair looks pretty scary skipping I am sure.

My editor sent me two copies - one version shows all the changes which I could, if I wanted, go through and accept or reject all the changes individually - a time consuming process for sure. The second version has been fully edited and requires only that I read through it and decide for myself whether or not I am happy with her work. She also sent me an eight page document of explanatory notes and suggestions for consideration. The latter version and the explanatory notes is the version I will concentrate on for my final run through because - in a word or three - what she has done has been nothing short of fantastic!!

I was so excited when I got home from work that, even though I had to work again tonight, I just couldn't resist laying down with the second version and begin reading it. I was blown away. All of the grammatical chook poo that I had missed on the 1st and 2nd edits of the manuscript have been comprehensively polished away. She has slightly tweaked certain lines of dialogue and description and has reworked certain scenes in very subtle ways as to make them really pop. I am so thrilled with what she has achieved - what am I saying "she"s the cat's mother! I'll call her J out of respect for confidentiality.

The explanatory notes set out in brilliant detail all that which J has recommended I consider and looking through it I can't help but smile at her thought processes. A lot of her suggestions address things that I'd had trouble with but was unable to come up with ways of addressing myself. It was as though J had read my mind and solved my dilemmas.

Now that I have it back in hand I am eager (who am I kidding - I cannot wait) to sit down with it and get cracking with the final, FINAL edit. I leave for Kangaroo Island on the 26th for a week. The laptop will be packed, the wine will be bought and I am thinking...Vince Jones will be the music for the week (well that's what I believe anyway - my partner Emily, will probably overrule me - dammit).

I spoke to Mel (the photographer) and she has decided that we will need to do another shoot for the cover. The images that she captured last weekend, while good, weren't - in the final analysis - quite there. She said that the rosemary sprigs really need to have the flowers on them in order to make them 'pop' and I have to agree. It was the one thing I was searching for on my expidition to find the rosemary in the first place but I settled - and I don't want to settle. We will set up a time probably in the first week of January and go for gold then.

In the past couple of weeks I have connected with a number of really wonderful people in the online writing realm and a really rather lovely group has emerged that has really made me feel good about this whole endeavour. The stand out has been Melissa Luznicky Garrett, whose novel "Precipice" I reviewed in my previous blog post. The other stand out has been Melissa Halkett of IreadIwrite Publishing who has sent a lot of encouragement my way and has made me feel as though this dream of mine will be achieved.

It's funny you know...a friend of mine asked me recently why I wasn't going down the traditional route of submitting my manuscript to a traditional publisher. To answer that here frankly, would be to reveal perhaps a little of my politics with regards to the established industry here in Australia so I will keep that on the down low. What I will say however is that writing for me is a purely creative endeavour, an endeavour of love rather than money. The opportunities in the online realm are far more attractive to me in their potency - their ability to connect me with a large audience. It can be a wonderful and inspiring place.

Merry Christmas by the way...

DFA.

Editing The Dream - Part Nine.

Well after a couple of fits and starts, the cover shoot for the novel finally went ahead last Saturday (the 19th) at Henley Beach, South Australia. My good friend Mel of Silver Photography gladly stepped up to take some shots that will eventually become the cover of the novel. We got to the beach in plenty of time (after all, it's only five minutes from my house - give or take a few) and spent a little while brainstorming ideas for the kind of image I was hoping to get. Everything about the environment was perfect except for the very stiff southerly that was whipping up the beach. That made things a little interesting but we didn't fail in our goal.

Mel of Silver Photography.

So here we were, in the evening of a beautiful Saturday lugging a swag of photographic gear down to the beach, all for the star of the show - a bouquet of rosemary and mint, that was tied together with a lavender ribbon - the plot device in the story that makes all the difference. A few evening walkers out on the sand regarded us with curiosity as we were shooting away, with me holding a light reflector that was doubling as a wind break for the posy. It wasn't really effective but we managed to keep the posy in place most of the time. I came prepared - arming myself with a some esky with some additional rosemary and mint just in case. Fortunately, they weren't needed.

Up close and personal with some kitchen herbs.

I was amazed by the color palette presented to us down there. By the time the sun began it's drop towards the horizon there was just the most amazing explosion of color and light. Though there weren't any clouds - which probably would have added even more color to the environment, this didn't seem to matter at all. These shots that I have posted here don't really do the scenery justice but you can get an idea. The preliminary shots that we will consider for the cover are actually quite a lot different to what I had in mind initially but we have some unexpected gems in amongst them that are worthy candidates.

Wrinkles in the fabric.

What better could I have asked for out of this shoot? Not much - except maybe for no wind. But of the 100 or shots that Mel got there were quite a few that already seem as though they are going to cut the mustard. Mel will play around with them over the next few days and identify the candidates for best picture (ha ha ha) and we will discuss them before making a judgment call on the final one.

Little Explorer.

Good news on the editing front. My editor is 1 or 2 days away from completion and I should have the revisions in my hand by Christmas day. I will then take my laptop with me away on holidays and look forward to working through her revisions, additions and subtractions with a glass of wine or three.

Day's last performance.

The photos here-in were taken on my Samsung Omnia 2 mobile phone by me. They aren't candidates for the final cover art but are intended to provide the reader with an idea of what we were up to on the beach last Saturday.

DFA.

Editing The Dream - Part Eight

...I'm still in that state of flu-ux.

I sit here in the early hours of the morning, beside my patient as I write this, thinking about the manuscript. It occupies my thoughts for most of my waking hours as I eagerly (and impatiently) await my copy editor's treatment. It's actually really tough not having something to work on right now. I have been in touch with her and she is about a week out from completion of her edit. The feedback has been really encouraging.The plot flows really well and she has suggested that I allow her to go ahead and accept all the grammatical changes to the manuscript, which I have agreed to. With the edits I have previewed so far I am more than happy to run with this because she was so thorough. All of the creative considerations she will leave for me to review which will be great - it will save me a lot of time once I sit down to review the latest draft.

I am taking a week off from work from the 26th through to the new year and I will be taking my young family down to Kangaroo Island. We have a holiday house at a place called American River that over looks a lovely bay/estuary that is peaceful and teeming with bird life wild life. I will be able to spend some time with the draft, a glass of wine and some classical music while I look out across the water and polish the final draft. That is of course when I'm not sailing my sail boat with my son (smiley face).

The cover photo session fell apart last weekend due to unforseen circumstances. We have tentatively rescheduled for this Friday evening. Fingers crossed we'll get the shots we need. I started looking around for rosemary that was flowering with but I haven't seen any right now. Rosemary has this little pinkish flower which would add some nice accents to the image but I don't think their absence would be a real issue. I'm hoping to achieve that with the lavender ribbon.

So...that's all have right now. It's not much but it will be worth the wait I am sure...

DFA.

Editing the Dream - Part Seven.

So...I'm in a sort of state of flux right now. One where I can niether move forwards or back. My editor has my 3rd draft of the manuscript in hand and estimates that she will have it done within the next couple of weeks or so. I'm humming with a nervous excitement. She sent me the first five chapters fully edited and with some margin notes and it is all just superb - exactly what I was hoping for. The grammar has been tightened up significantly and the suggestions have ranged from things like, reconsidering the role of certain incidental characters to changing a name here and there to considering whether a woolen "beanie" should just be called a cap. I am so happy with what I've seen so far. I am hoping that, as she progresses deeper into the manuscript, she'll have good suggestions about certain scenes that I was having trouble with.

I am having this internal dialogue with myself right now, where I am trying to temper my impatience to see the job completed so I can submit it to the eBook publisher while at the same time remaining typically Virgoan in my desire to ensure that the story works - even with the supernatural element to it. It's hard not be able to sit down with the manuscript and pour over it again and again to look for anything in it that can be improved or changed.

My photographer friend and I have tentatively set up a cover shoot for this Saturday coming. We'll head down to the beach just before sunset so that we can take advantage of this special time of day to get some shots of the rosemary and mint posy that will be tied in a lavendar bow. Though we'll be using a metropolitan Adelaide beach to represent the sands of New South Wales Southern Coast, I don't think that it will matter too much. The Adelaide sands are pretty damned fine.

Once all the elements are together, the final manuscript, the synopsis, the cover art, my profile (eek!) - I will submit it to iReadiWrite Publishing (http://www.ireadiwrite.com) for consideration. iReadiWrite Publishing is an ardent supporter of emerging writers, it is a great portal for lovers of eBook literature and their catalogue of titles is growing all the time, across a number of genres. I've read a lot about this portal recently and I really like their philosophy - their support of undiscovered talent. Fingers crossed that I will achieve my dream of being a published author early in the new year.

For now the work continues...

Just on one other creative subject, while it's on my mind, I just saw Crossing Over (Harrison Ford, Ashley Judd) this weekend past.

I have followed the development of this film with interest - mainly because it is a Harrison Ford film - and I was thoroughly dismayed that it saw such a limited cinema release state-side and virtually no cinema releases internationally. It seems like the Weinstein brothers have peed another great film up against the wall.

Crossing Over is a multi layered story about the lives of those seeking a better life in the United States - so much so that they will do anything to achieve it. It also tells the story of the agencies and people involved in policing immigration and the US borders. The filmed suffered from a critical back-lash in the States and didn't do well at the box office - which is a shame, because it is a superb film that handles a tough subject.

Maybe it is because the immigration debate remains a subject too difficult for Americans to talk about. Maybe this is just another example of the Weinsteins doing over a perfectly good film, because they had difficulty with it - I dunno - but the cast in this film delivers very moving performances, not the least of which is Harrison Ford who, I think, delivers his finest performance in years. The film has been compared to "Crash" insofar as the way it handles muliple story lines, but Crossing Over is no where near as preachy or in your face as Crash was.

It handles the difficult issues surrounding immigration with a considered hand whilst pulling no punches about the deeply flawed nature of certain peoples reactions to it. It's a disgrace that Crossing Over did not do as well as say a "Traffic" or even "Crash" but I guess the subject matter was always going to be controversial.

Anyway, rant done...talk soon...

DFA.

Editing The Dream - Part Six.

The project took a great turn this week. I have secured the services of a copy editor who has begun work on the final draft of the manuscript for me. This has been a really important development because I have long sought out a fresh set of eyes for the story so that anything that I have missed or have not considered will be picked up by those eyes and addressed.

The early results have been hugely encouraging. She has enabled me to question certain elements in the story and decide whether to keep them, change them or drop them entirely. And they aren't huge things either.

The cover art project has gained momentum now too. A good friend of mine who has a brilliant eye has enthusiastically agreed to take on the project and I am sure that she will deliver some wonderful results.

Suffice to say I am really excited...

Dreams Of A Love Indestructible (Part Twenty One).

Andy sat in the foyer of the Windsor Hotel the next morning flipping as casually as he could through the daily newspaper but he wasn't really taking anything in – he was too distracted. He had woken insanely early and spent several hours sitting on the bed, watching television, strumming his guitar, pacing the room. He'd showered twice – so nervous and excited and terrified he was. It was like going on a first date all over again even though he remembered their first date well.

He – Denny – had gotten tickets to an indie music festival in Melbourne during the summer. It must have been three or four years ago, when they'd both reconnected again at university. Andy couldn't be exactly certain – the burden of carrying the memories of two lives made it difficult to pin point. It was an incredibly hot day and he and Soneya has spent most of it in specially provided mist tents – basically tents fitted with sprinkler systems to cool down the revelers at the venue. It was a wild and crazy day but during it they had fallen for one another. Andy remembered that they had been childhood friends – almost inseparable. Soneya was a willowy tom boy, athletic, bold and very self assured even then. He...Denny...had been awkward and shy but in her company he felt at ease. Once they become a couple at university, it was as though the years they'd spent apart had never been. They were as inseparable as adults as they had been as children.

The memories were as clear to Andy now as if they had always been his own and he smiled at the realization.

Every so often Andy looked towards the foyer entrance to see if he could see her. He checked his watch. It was still only early. He cursed himself for having readied himself so early but he didn't know what else to do. The anticipation was too much. The thought of seeing her again was just too exciting for him.

Andy folded up the newspaper – again - and, placing it down on the table, he stood then searched out out the mens room from his vantage point. Just as he was about to walk over to it, he caught a glance at the entrance once more and...

There she was.

Soneya was standing there, just inside the door surveying her surroundings, looking for him. She had dressed lightly - svelte cargo pants, a singlet top, her large hat from the previous day.

Andy walked towards her and she smiled reservedly upon seeing him.

“Hello” Soneya greeted. “Wow. You've been put up in some pretty nice accommodation”

Andy nodded, craning his neck to look around the foyer of the resplendent hotel. The morning sun streamed in through a large sky light far above bathing the foyer in an ethereal light. When he looked back her again he was struck once more by her beauty, the way the sunlight danced over her auburn hair making it seem more beautiful than he ever remembered.

“Yeah. My school did pretty well in getting us into this place. The dean might flip out though when he finds out how much it was costing them”

Andy looked at her and smiled.

“I'm glad you came. I know it might be a little awkward for you”

“Not at all” Soneya replied. “It's nice to be able enjoy a little down time while I'm here. The Festival is good and all but...it's just nice”

“So...” Andy ventured. “Do you like coffee?”

Of course she likes coffee...

Soneya nodded.

“There's a really great coffee house not far from here called Enzo's” Andy suggested. “I found it when I first arrived here. They make an awesome cup”

Soneya's eyes widened in surprise then but Andy but didn't react.

“I know it” she said slowly. “...very well”

Soneya seemed to gaze at him, assessing him as Andy gestured towards the door.

“Shall we?...”

Andy knew he was taking a risk by taking her there, to her and Denny's old, favorite place – but the gamble appeared to pay off for him and they spent a couple of hours right up until lunch time, enjoying several cups of coffee and talking. Andy felt the echo of the way it had once been when Denny and Soneya sat in this very place – when they were studying for exams on rainy winter afternoons when it was pouring with rain outside. Or during summer when classes were just beginning and they were coming to grips with a seemingly insurmountable workload. On weekends, when they just craved being alone together – Denny and Soneya would seek their refuge here at the little cafe and just curl up together reading a book to each other and sipping coffee. Here was the place that had once felt like a second home.

Coffee eventually did turn into lunch. Soneya had completely lost track of time from the moment they had sat down. She felt herself relaxing, her guard had come down completely and she found herself enjoying the company of this shy but amiable American. All the while, as they talked, that potent sensation of deja-vu visited her once again, the feeling of somehow knowing him, the feeling of familiarity about his presence. He was quiet, considerate. He was interested in her. Soneya talked about the practice and the house in Stafford, how she hoped to make something of her grandfather's legacy and turn it around into something to be proud of. She avoided talking about Denny entirely – not because she consciously set out to but because it just happened that way.

After lunch, Soneya suggested that they go for a walk through the City. She stopped by a florist in a French inspired arcade to pick up some Lily's for Joss as a thank you for having her at Joss' Williamstown apartment. Andy recognized the florist. Denny had bought flowers there for Soneya and Andy smiled inwardly, pleased that Soneya still favored it.

And just when Andy thought Soneya might choose to end their day together in the early afternoon, he was pleasantly surprised when Soneya turned to him as they strolled along the banks of Melbourne's Yarra River.

“Would you like to go for a drive?” she asked hopefully.

She doesn't want this day to end! Andy thought excitedly.

“Where?” he inquired, intrigued.

“Well...I have to drop these flowers off at Joss' apartment, otherwise they'll shrivel up in this heat. It's in Williamstown, just over the bridge, say about a half an hour from here. I can drop you back to the Hotel if you'd like”

Williamstown! My home!

Andy managed to stifle his alarm at hearing mention of the seaside suburb by feigning a thoughtful expression, as though he were considering her proposal. He studied her with a lop sided half grin.

“Am I correct in guessing that you're enjoying yourself?”

Soneya blushed embarrassed and eyed him suggestively.

“I could be” she replied.

Andy wanted to take her in his arms right then and kiss her. He wanted to feel her lips against his, to hold her hands and feel their warmth but he restrained himself.

Finally he nodded.

“That sounds like a great idea”

They drove to Williamstown, in the Volkswagen sedan that had once been Denny's. Williamstown was a cosmopolitan beach side suburb where Denny had spent his childhood. And as they entered the suburb on a thoroughfare that flanked the waters of Port Philip Bay Andy was overwhelmed with a new collection of Denny's memories – ones that he'd not experienced before. Memories of Denny's childhood - of fishing from the jetty near the Williamstown Port with his father on cool Melbourne mornings, playing with Soneya on the beach after school when they were just children, of sailing a small yacht on the water as a teenager. Images and visions of the life Andy had 'adopted' – they assailed him with a speed and ferocity that threatened to overwhelm him. But he rode the wave of them once more until it settled back to a gentle swell.

Neither of them wanted the day to end.

By the late afternoon, Andy and Soneya found themselves in Williamstown's chic restaurant district and decided to find somewhere to have dinner. Seating themselves on the balcony of a waterfront cafe that overlooked Port Philip Bay they ordered a bottle of wine and relaxed back in their seats to take in the view. The majestic City skyline dominated the landscape to the north, towering above groups of moored yachts that rocked gently on the swell of the Williamstown harbor, their masts swaying to and fro.

People were enjoying walks on the nearby esplanade, playing on the beach, swimming in the sea. A tall-ship slowly made it's way across the water, it's sails billowing full in the late afternoon breeze bringing the salty scent of the sea to Andy's nostrils. As they sat at their table on a balcony overlooking the sea Andy thought it all reminded him a little of Chicago. He sat back in his chair and exhaled, almost unconsciously feeling a calm unlike any he'd felt before. Everything seemed so pure here, so clean...and so familiar. Even this cafe in which they sat now – Andy knew it well. It had been one of their favorite places. Soneya hadn't revealed that to Andy.
They'd enjoyed a beautiful lobster that was quite unlike Andy had ever eaten before. They drank a local wine and continued their conversation almost uninterrupted. The day had been wonderful.

Soneya smiled as Andy stretched and gazed out across the water.

"I can see that you're enjoying yourself" she commented as a waiter clear their plates and refreshed their wine glasses.

"I am," Andy replied. "This place is surreal. It's like something out of a dream or a picture book. Is everyone in this City so...laid back?"

Soneya followed his eyes out across the waterfront.

"Hmm...It is tranquil here. Though Melbourne itself is like any other city. It has its fair share of problems"

"So city law doesn't appeal to you then?"

Soneya shook her head and sipped her wine. She glanced at him fleetingly, suddenly unsure of when she had told him she was a lawyer.

"N...not at all. I decided that rural concerns are enough of a challenge on their own. And I prefer the people. They are far more...real...than anyone here. I would rather help them there than destroy people here. There's enough aggression in the Melbourne law fraternity. I don't want to get sucked into it"

"That's quite noble" Andy remarked.

"It is," Soneya agreed with an earnest nod before smiling broadly. When she did, Andy felt light headed.

"What about you? The guitar seems to be very much a part of you. It defines you, yes?"
Andy returned her smile with his own and swirled the wine in his glass, holding it up to the light from outside the restaurant to study it.

Soneya's breath caught in her throat then as she watched him.

The way he held the glass, the way he inspected the wine...

Andy rested the glass on his crossed leg.

"It's everything to me," he said wistfully. "It's carried me through some difficult times and I've not always been very kind to it. But now it's the one thing that I want to do more than anything...it's pretty much been the only thing I was ever good at"

Soneya brow creased into a frown fleetingly.

"Surely you're good at more than just the guitar"

"Getting into trouble...possibly...I was exceptional at that. I dunno...unfortunately I think I made an art form out of calamity instead of applying myself. But there has always been the guitar. It is a gift that I've come to treasure"

"Well, I think it's a very noble gift so here's to it," Soneya raised her own glass toward him and he met hers with his. They drank, looking at each other, a sense of something passed between them both.

"You know...," Soneya began. "I have to say this, and please don't think I'm crazy but..., you seems very familiar to me. It's like...I feel like we've met before.

In Andy's mind that voice pleaded at him, tell her, tell her!

Andy flushed pink and smiled awkwardly.

"That sounds like a very bad line - even with the Australian accent"

Soneya laughed and covered her mouth embarrassed.

"I know, it does right? God I'm such a klutz...but it's true. Are you sure that you've never been to Australia before?"

"I haven't...sorry. Not even once"

Even they were true, as Andy spoke them he felt as though he was lying. Again the voice tugged at his conscience.

Tell her...

A jazz quartet began playing in the far corner, their light music filling the cafe.

Andy's mind drifted towards the final, the seemingly overwhelming nature of it.
"I can't believe I'm here...that I've made it this far," he mused. "I've never done anything like this before"

"It's a wonderful opportunity for you," Soneya agreed. "I can only imagine how nervous you must feel"

"Hmmm..."

Andy looked out across the waterfront towards the beach and gestured with a nod.

"Shall we take a walk on the sand"

Soneya nodded and smiled a little bashfully.

"That would be nice"

Making their way down to the waters edge, Soneya slipped off her sandles and stepped- gingerly at first - into the sea, feeling the cool water against her ankles and feet.

"I can't believe how beautiful it is here" Andy marveled, seemingly awestruck by the pristine sand so close to a metropolitan environment. "There's nothing like this in Chicago"

Andy took off his own shoes, setting them on the sand and joining Soneya as she luxuriated her feet at the water's edge.

"There is something addictive about the seaside" she mused. "So - are you nervous? About the final?"

Andy wandered a few paces along the shore line, hands in his pockets.

"I'm petrified," he answered truthfully. "I came here with no expectations what-so-ever. I mean, Christ, I was a last minute entry - the Conservatory didn't even want me on the delegation. Now...I want it more than anything. I don't think I've ever wanted anything more"

Soneya watched him, her hand shading her eyes from the late afternoon sun.

He stands at the water's edge, his hands in his pockets, thoughtful...

Yet he is not out of focus nor out of reach unlike her dream.

This was the dream?...

Small waves, no more than a few inches high washed up on the shore line now but as they strolled slowly along, watching a gaggle of enthusiastic children playing in the shallows, a bigger wave broke unexpectedly over a ridge of sand, slapping against Soneya's ankles and causing her to over balance. Reflexively she reached out with her hand and Andy grabbed it pulling her close to steady her. He held her until he was sure she was safe. She looked up at him to thank him and in that moment their eyes locked and neither one of them could look away. Andy couldn't resist. He leaned in gently, his finger rising to touch her cheek and their lips found each other. A soft, slow, electrifying kiss that lingered - igniting a well spring of warmth and emotion with them both so powerful that neither could pull away nor wanted to. Soneya's hand cradled his jaw, her lips parted and she touched her tongue to his, teasingly, exquisitely...rolling around it, then gently pulling back. Soneya sighed audibly as Andy pulled her close to him, sliding his hands between her arms and holding her softly there.

Then, suddenly an alarm bell sounded in Soneya's mind and she pulled herself away from Andy abruptly. Flooded with guilt Soneya mind swirled and she felt as though she might fall. Her expression held melted into one of bewilderment, embarrassment, shame...

"What have I done?" she gasped reflexively.

Andy was stunned where he stood, dazed by the afterglow of the kiss but feeling extreme awkwardness now as he reached out to Soneya. She put her hand up defensively and searched nearby

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said breathlessly. "I shouldn't have done that"

Though in his mind, Andy sensed he knew the reason for her sudden switch in behavior and what she meant by her apology, he remained floundering before her.

"No, no Soneya please...I shouldn't have. I'm sorry"

Soneya felt nauseous then as the familiar, irrational guilt assailed her conscience All she wanted to do was to run away from here, from him - this exquisite stranger who made her feel. He made her feel.

"I sh...should go Andy," she stammered as she hurriedly bent down to put on her sandles and stood up again. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this"

Andy's heart pounded as she turned away from him. All these long months of searching, the battle within himself to make sense of the additional presence that resided there. His and Denny's emotions collided together somewhere deep inside of him, melding together until they were all but indistinguishable.

This is it!

Denny's voice rang in his ears and Andy turned to face Soneya who was walking away from him.

"Soneya!" he called out desperately.

Something in the tone of his voice made Soneya stop and slowly she turned around to face him.

"Please wait!"

Andy stepped forward holding his arms out by his sides and it was then Soneya realized that his accent had changed slightly.

"Soneya...it's me. It's Denny"

Soneya's eyes went wide and she blinked.

"Soneya...I don't how to explain what happened. I was in the dark after...it happened and then...somebody found me – in Chicago” Andy voice quivered. He became animated then and, unbeknown to him, it had clearly spooked her.

“I was lying in a trauma room in a hospital,” he went on. “They told me I'd overdosed – that I had died in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. But I was revived - something happened to me when I was revived. I woke up and I was in this - this - body"

Soneya's purse strap slipped from her shoulder, falling to the sand. Her jaw slackened slightly but she said nothing as Andy approached her.

"Ever since then I've been...plagued...by these...memories...of this old life, of this place - of you. I couldn't make sense of them at first but I realized I was remembering everything about my old life"

"I...I can't believe," Soneya whispered, her lip quivering.

"I couldn't believe it at first either" Andy continued his voice cracking. "But I remember everything - the hospital, our home, everything we planned to do. It all came to me, gradually at first, but I remember. And then I found you...I found Stafford – on the Internet. I found Denny's page on Facebook. I had these clues to go by – the things I remembered. It was all there!"

Andy stepped forward but Soneya threw up her hand abruptly stopping him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" she hissed venomously.

Andy shivered violently at the sound of her voice and he looked at her seeing a palpable anger in her eyes. He froze where he stood.

“Soneya...it's the truth. I remember it all”

“How dare you!” Soneya spat, backing away from him slowly as angry tears welled up at the edges of her eyes. “How dare you play this game with me. How could you even begin to be so cruel? Who do you think you are?”

Andy felt a nauseating panic then. His mouth went dry and he struggled to force his mind to work.

“What are you – some kind of sick stalker?!” she continued, her fury becoming white hot.

He thumbed his chest firmly then interrupting her.

“Soneya, look at me. Surely you can see it. Surely you can sense something – can't you?” he was pleading with her now, his voice rising. “What about that kiss just then – tell me it you didn't feel something. Why would I make something up like this?”

But Soneya shook her head furiously and back away even further as he stepped forward again holding his hand out towards her.

“No! Don't you come near me. If you do I will call the police”

She wheeled around then and stumbled on the sand before running away. Tears were streaming down her face now, her heart and mind filled with confusion and anger. Andy stood there on the beach watching her go until she had disappeared. He was too stunned to move.

“What have I done” he whispered breathlessly.

Copyright © 2009 Dean Mayes.

Dreams Of A Love Indestructible (Part Twenty)

Andy felt his breath quicken as he realized that Soneya was actually approaching him. His eyes darted between her and the beer in his hand, his heart thumped noisily in his ears. As his nerves almost managed to overwhelm him, Andy managed to pull himself together just as Soneya stepped around a group of people in between Andy and her. Then she was standing before him.

Her beauty, her presence, her perfume, her auburn hair, lustrous and shining. The scent of rosemary and mint that he had always remembered. Her eyes – shimmering jewels, vibrant and alive. Everything about her that Andy had remembered and dreamed of from the moment that he had been brought back to life in that trauma room so far away became very real, very tangible in that single moment. Soneya offered her hand to Andy and he took it, hesitantly at first – until he caught himself and grabbed onto his rational state of mind – then he firmed his grip on hers. The feeling of her hand in his was electric. When she spoke, her voice made his heart almost stop.

“Congratulations” Soneya repeated smiling politely. “I just wanted to say that I thought you were superb this afternoon. That piece is a favorite of mine”

Andy nodded respectfully. He could feel his cheeks flushing just a little.

“Thank you,” he replied softly. “It was a pleasure to play it – if a little scary. I haven't performed for such a large audience before”

“Well one would never have known it. I think you managed to capture the entire audience's imagination today”

Soneya sipped her champagne and looked around her at the people mingling.

“How are you finding Australia?” she asked. “Is it your first time here?”

Andy nodded.

“It's very hospitable. I've enjoyed this city very much. It's very different to Chicago...very warm...and I don't just mean weather wise”

He shifted nervously on the spot then gazed at her - almost as if he was hoping she would recognize something within him telling her he was Denny.

“You're Soneya Llewellyn right?” he finally said, tripping a little over his words.

Soneya met his gaze, caught off guard by his question.

“I...I am” she responded surprised. “How di...”

Andy turned and gestured discreetly at Jochen Zinski.

“Zinski pointed you out to a few of the performers earlier. He told us that you were visiting to present the trophy at the end of the week”

“Oh,” Soneya said, nodding. “Yes. He invited me to attend personally. It was his idea to name the award”

“He...must have been pretty special huh”

Again Soneya nodded, looking down and away from Andy momentarily.

“He was...very special”

Again an awkward silence threatened to settle upon them. Andy tried to think of something, anything to advance the conversation further. Little did he know that Soneya was thinking exactly the same thing. She felt extremely nervous and unsure of herself in his presence. She felt a powerful attraction to him but she betrayed nothing of this outwardly.

“How long have you played the guitar?” Soneya asked finally, finding the words that he couldn't.

“Since I was about eight years old,” Andy replied, relieved for her question. “Some would say I came to it quite late. Most of the contestants here probably started when they were still in diapers so I feel as though I'm on the back foot a little”

Soneya smiled at his quip.

“Well, if today was anything to go by I think you'll be a definite contender. It's a wonderful event. Are you excited about the finals?”

“I think terrified is perhaps a more appropriate feeling right now” Andy said. “I've never done anything like this before...but I am looking forward to the final though. I think I'll spend the next few days taking in some of the other performances and seeing what I'll be up against”

Soneya nodded, lifting her brow slightly.

“Oh...well that will be nice. I...I guess I'll probably see you again then”

She felt herself feeling light headed and realized as she lifted her glass to her lips that she had emptied the champagne from it completely.

Andy looked at it and gestured towards the bar.

“Could I get you another drink?”

Soneya considered his offer. She wanted to say yes but she suddenly felt her nerves getting the better of her. She looked over her shoulder at Joss who wore a wicked half grin as she chatted with another group of people – every so often stealing a glance over in Soneya's direction.

“I probably shouldn't,” Soneya finally decided. “I fear if I have another I won't be able to walk. This stuff is pretty potent”

Andy smiled warmly as she offered her hand again.

“I just wanted to say how lovely your performance was” she said.

Andy nodded.

“Thank you. Perhaps I'll see you again”

“Perhaps you will”

Soneya stepped back, holding his hand a moment longer, holding his gaze a moment longer then she turned and headed back to where Joss was standing. He watched her go unable to take his eyes off her until he realized he had forgotten to breathe.

Michyko appeared beside him then and tugged at his arm.

“There you are! We've been looking all over for you. Have you had enough praise thrust upon you yet?”

“I think so,” Andy smiled, still gazing after Soneya who had disappeared into the crowd as if she had never been. Michyko followed his gaze fleetingly.

“Well a group of us have decided to hit a pub in the City that was recommended to us. Want to join us?”

“Yeah...that would be cool”

Michyko gave him a silly grin.

“Who are you looking at?” she ribbed him conspiratorially.

Andy squirmed uncomfortably and blushed.

“Nobody,” he said a little too quickly and Michyko studied him with mock suspicion.

“Nobody – a likely story. Come on – we'll miss the cab”

Andy followed Michyko out of the Pavilion, looking back to where Soneya had been standing with her friend – but she was no longer there.

Soneya and Joss had hailed a cab just outside the Garden not too long after. As they rode towards the City Joss noted a curious expression on Soneya's face and she smiled wickedly.

“You're definitely attracted to him aren't you” she teased mercilessly. “

Soneya screwed up her nose at Joss.

“Oh stop it. You're a pain in the arse”

But deep down Soneya couldn't deny that Joss was right.

“Well I think he's hot” Joss persisted, trying to get a rise out of Soneya.

Soneya just laughed softly and gazed out through the window as it passed by. She felt an old, familiar warm glow within that she hadn't felt in a long time.

* * *

While the others from the Chicago group went on a tour the following morning - none of them were performing - Andy decided to slip out early and walk down to the Gardens from the hotel to see the performances. He had hardly slept a wink. All he could think about was Soneya, their meeting in the Pavilion and their brief conversation, the touch of her hand. Though he had intended to watch the concert heats for the genuine purpose of studying his competition, now that he had made contact with her and that contact had been good, all he wanted to do now was to find her again.

His walk took no more than approximately twenty minutes. He crossed over a wide thoroughfare separating the Fitzroy Gardens from the smaller Treasury Gardens, noting that a sizable crowd was already gathering on the lawns in front of the conservatory. Though it was not quite 10AM, the intense summer sun was beginning to warm the city significantly and Andy felt beads of sweat forming on his brow. Quickly daubing them away, he made his way into the Gardens, instantly trying to appear as casual as he could without making it obvious that he was looking for her.

Aside from the concerts today, the Gardens were playing host to several other gatherings related to the International Festival. There were several stages set up throughout the Gardens that were to play host to a number of visiting performers from all across the world. They ranged from blues and roots artists, to South American and Spanish guitar virtuosos to jazz outfits sourced locally and from the UK, the US and Europe.

Andy stopped by the Pavilion and purchased a coffee and a muffin – he hadn't had anything to eat so far today – then sat down to browse through the days program. He had made a mental list of a number of artists who he wanted to see perform while he was here including a name sake of his Doug de Vries – a celebrated Australian guitarist who had caught his eye as well as Slava Grigoryan – a former Kazakhstan native who'd immigrated to Australia with his family as a child and who had become one of Australia's most prominent classical guitarists. He chatted with some of the performers from the previous day's heat with whom he had become acquainted, received yet more congratulations and well wishes for Saturdays semi final then he managed to extricate himself and wander off to take in some of the musical acts for today...

...and hopefully bump into Soneya.

How was he going to tell her?

Andy had wrestled with the prospect through an almost sleepless night and he was still no closer to resolving it. The idea was preposterous and even he had had difficulty in coming to terms with it in the beginning. Soneya had always been a very grounded person and didn't have much time for anything of an existential nature. The only way that he felt he could convince her would be to spend some time with her - get to know her in his guise now and then reveal himself to her. But he only had a short window of opportunity. Their encounter last night at been painfully brief and the chances of finding her amongst the hundreds of people moving about the Gardens today were slim. Andy felt an uncomfortable knot of panic tighten in his chest. If he didn't take the chance at some point while they were here, together, in Melbourne the chance would be lost to him perhaps for good.

He meandered up to an old stone band stand far from the conservatory and took in a performance by Doug de Vries and a jazz quartet which had attracted a sizable audience. He sat on the grass, every so often looking around in the hope that he might spot her somewhere in the crowd.

But she wasn't anywhere to be seen.

After an hour or so, Andy eventually made his way back to the southern end of the Gardens, to the conservatory where the afternoon heats would be taking place. He stopped by the Pavilion to purchase a mineral water then he made his way across the lawn to find a spot on the grass where he could view the performances best.

“Hello Andy”

Andy turned around at the sound of her voice to find Soneya and Joss relaxing on a rug on the lawn just a few feet away. His heart skipped a beat as Soneya waved to him and he smiled warmly.

“Hello again” he greeted, placing his hands in his pocket and walking over to them as casually as he could, trying desperately not too seem too eager.

Soneya was wearing a light cotton dress with a pearl colored cardigan and large sunglasses underneath an overtly large sun hat. A pair of leather sandles lay near her feet. She looked positively radiant.

Soneya lifted the brim of her hat as he approached.

“Beautiful day once again isn't it” she said. “We've really turned it on for you don't you agree?”

Andy nodded reservedly and lifted his hands to his eyes to shield them from the mid morning sun.

“I'm finding Melbourne a little addictive actually. I could get used to this”

Soneya got to her feet and gestured to him to come closer before turning slightly towards Joss who also got to her feet and brushed down a pair of three quarter length cargo pants. She wore a multicolored sleeveless top that showed off tanned arms – the product of spending hours out running. She had always been something of a fitness fanatic.

“Andy DeVries, I'd like you to meet Jocelyn Banister a very good friend of mine”

Andy stepped forward to take Denny's sister's hand and noticed a small tattoo of a humming bird on the inside of her left wrist.

That's a new one, Andy thought to himself.

“You can call me Joss” she greeted. “Though I'm sure you've already heard this a bunch of times I have to say I thought you were amazing yesterday. There's a real buzz for you out there already”

Andy blushed and scratched the grass nervously with his foot.

“Well there's a long way to go until Saturday and I'm not taking anything for granted right now...there are a lot of better performers here than me”

“Are...you here to watch the heats this afternoon?” Soneya ventured hopefully to which Joss nudged her elbow with a discreet grin.

“Yeah. I thought I'd see if there was a patch of ground up near the front so I could get a good view of the performers...but somehow, I think I might be pushing my luck”

“You could join us...if you'd like” Soneya offered.

Andy gave the pretense of considering her offer even though inside he was nearly bursting. He nodded and smiled again.

“Thank you. That would be nice”

They made room on the rug and then sat down to watch the afternoon heats, during which they shared a conversation that seemed very natural and very easy to sustain. Joss gently maneuvered it by asking Andy questions about himself, encouraging him to talk a little about life in Chicago – how incredibly cold it was there right now in contrast to here in Melbourne. He talked about the Conservatory and Veldtman as well as working and playing at The Pub. During the concert heats Andy's concentration drifted towards the performances, studying them with a practiced eye, making mental notes of how each of candidates played their way through their pieces. Soneya found herself stealing discreet glances at him – watching his expressions, the way he made subtle movements of his head as he listened to the music as though he were moving with it. There was something so familiar about him and so attractive but she felt an troubling, distracting guilt at the feelings she was having. It felt wrong to be entertaining this attraction she felt. It was as though she were somehow cheating Denny, being unfaithful to him.

Andy could sense her attraction too but felt unsure of whether it was real or not. He noticed Soneya looking at him and every so often he did the same, their eyes meeting for just the briefest of moments before both of them bashfully looked away from one another. She was so beautiful, she hadn't changed at all. She was exactly as how he remembered her from his memories – Denny's memories.

During an interval Andy excused himself so he could go to the bathroom and once he was out of view, Joss nudged Soneya in the ribs.

“What do you think?” she interrogated Soneya eagerly. “He is definitely interested in you”

Soneya flashed Joss a disapproving glare but she couldn't maintain the facade. “Alright, alright – he is very cute. But I am not here to meet anyone Joss. I know that may have been in your plan but I just...don't need that kind of complication right now”

Joss shook her head at Soneya, fishing a bottle of wine out of their picnic basket and pouring them both a glass.

“Soneya...You are a beautiful woman but you are as stubborn as my grand mother. Denny wouldn't have wanted you to remain alone forever. He would want you to be happy. Why don't you allow yourself the chance for a little happiness. This guy is interested in you and you're sure as shit interested in him”

Soneya tilted her head slowly with a pained expression on her face.

“I...I can't”

Joss leveled a disapproving stare at her.
“You're stalling for an excuse Soneya. If you don't at least ask him out for a coffee – I will”

Soneya's shoulders slumped then in a gesture of defeat and she laughed wearily, sipping from her glass.

“You are relentless”

Joss nodded triumphantly and looked over Soneya's shoulder. Andy was coming back.

“Here he comes”

Both women smiled a little too broadly at Andy as he approached causing him to look about and check himself over.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Not at all” Joss replied patting the rug and gesturing towards the basket. Would you like a glass of wine?”

Before he could respond she had poured him a glass and was handing it over.

Andy sensed that something was cooking between the two of them as they continued to watch the concert. Joss kept whispering in Soneya's ear - he could see her out of the corner of his eye.

She was probably trying to engineer something, Andy thought amused.

Joss was the perennial social butterfly had always been adept at playing match maker when there was even the slightest whiff of potential romance. Andy wanted to slap his – Denny's – younger sister on the arm the way he'd always remembered doing but had no trouble in restraining himself. In her presence, a whole new flood of memories sprang forth from Denny's consciousness and into Andy's – memories of his childhood, of growing up with Joss. They had been inseparable as children.

As the performances continued Andy explained what it was that he was keen to study about the performers. How they presented themselves on stage, how they played the pieces they had chosen. The performance wasn't merely an exercise in the technical mastery of the guitar or the music but it was also a performance of emotions. One needed to feel the the music, know it's history and it's meaning and apply those to the performance. Soneya listened to him intently, absorbed by his genuine love for the art of the guitar. She was moved by his enthusiasm for it, describing the stories behind the pieces themselves. It was clear that he had a deep knowledge of music – a passion for the guitar.

The concert finished towards late afternoon and the trio remained on the rug as the crowds of people began to disperse slowly but surely towards other parts of the Gardens while other remained, continuing their picnics and BBQ's with the clear intention of staying around long into the evening to take in an concert by the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra.

Joss looked at her watch and gestured wordlessly to Soneya that they had to think about heading off. Soneya's expression approximated something akin to disappointment, her brow furrowing at Denny's sister worriedly. Joss pointed towards Andy with her eyes and pursed her lips tightly as though she were saying 'ask him'.

Soneya felt her pulse reverberating in her ears, felt her breath quicken almost involuntarily as a rush of adrenaline surged through. She couldn't believe she what she was about to do.

Turning to Andy she smiled.

“We have to go,” she said, clearly disappointed. “We're meeting Joss' parents for dinner on the other side of the City and we're sort of running against the clock”

“Oh...okay” Andy replied. Inwardly his mind shouted – 'What are you doing?'

They stood up and Joss began packing up the picnic basket while Andy and Soneya stood to one side.

“Well – I've had a lovely time” Andy said warmly. “Thank you for inviting me to join you”

Soneya nodded, fidgeting with her hands and biting the inside of her lip. Clearly she had something more to say.

“Me too...,” she said, pausing clumsily.

She closed her eyes and took a quick breath.

“Umm...are you free at all...tomorrow? I thought maybe you'd like to – you know – have a cup of coffee. If you have time”

Andy felt dizzy with joy but he contained himself – barely.

“I would love to,” he said quietly, smiling broadly. “I don't have any commitments tomorrow as far as I know so...yeah...”

Joss watched the two of them gazing dumbly at one another and screwed her face up out of view of them both. It was all she could do to stop herself from giggling uncontrollably.

Andy checked his watch and looked up at Soneya.

“Shall we meet at my hotel at say, about 10? I'm staying at The Windsor”

Soneya nodded slowly, unable to pull her gaze away from his, unable to wipe the smile from her face. Andy stepped forward and took her hand gently.

“Thank you” he whispered hypnotically before nodding to Joss. “Nice meeting you too Joss”

“Likewise. I'll look forward to Saturday”

Andy turned away slowly without taking his eyes off Soneya and parted. As he crossed over a path and under a line of trees his smile broke into a broad grin and he felt a rush of endorphins course though him.

He could not believe his luck.

Copyright © 2009, Dean Mayes.

Dreams Of A Love Indestructible (Part Eighteen).

It was somewhere close to 7:30pm as Lionel was closing up the shop for the day when he looked across the street at Soneya's cottage, noticing a light still on in the front window.

He knew instinctively that she must still be there.

“What is it dear?” Ruth inquired, noticing her husband as he lingered by the door.

“Oh...nothing,” Lionel replied sagely. “It looks as though Soneya is putting in another long day”

“That girl is working harder and harder Lionel,” Ruth remarked worriedly, shaking her head as she finished counting out the days take from the register. “It's not healthy for her”

“I know, I know," Lionel agreed wearily. She works much too hard. But it's not our place to tell her what she should and shouldn't be doing”

He rolled his eyes out of view of Ruth. They had had this discussion many times before.

Ruth checked the counter behind her. The two large black soup pots there were still switched on. She hadn't yet emptied them.

“Do you...think you should take a meal across to her Lionel? She would have skipped dinner again. It's not right for someone so busy as her”

Lionel baulked at her suggestion sensing where Ruth's mind was heading.

“Look, I don't think we should go meddling Ruth. She's a very private person – and independent. Soneya doesn't take kindly to any sort of interference”

Ruth had already fetched out a sealable container and was ladling piping hot pumpkin soup into it. She then took a herb bread roll from a nearby basket and warmed it slightly in the microwave.

“Ruth” Lionel intoned malevolently but she brushed him aside.

“Lionel, I'll not have that poor child wasting away in that office all alone at this time of night without at least something nutritious in her belly. She may not be our child but I consider her like our own. I feel an obligation to look out for her”

Ruth gathered up the items – the soup and bread, a coffee, some items of fruit – into a basket and came out from behind the counter.

“Take this over to her darling” she pleaded. “At least encourage her to have something”

Lionel frowned at his wife and shook his head. But he took the basket from her anyway and inspected it's contents.

“Well...I suppose it can't hurt to at least offer," he conceded before levelling his eyes at Ruth. "Just don't you watch me from the window. Soneya has got a sense like a blood hound for nosy neighbours”

Lionel turned on his heel and stepped out of the shop, walking the short distance down the street towards the practice.

Soneya was sitting at her desk before an open laptop – a mountain of paperwork, manilla folders and old invoice slips stacked messily on either side of the machine – when she heard a knock at the door.

“Hello?” Lionel called out.

Soneya smiled at the sound of the familiar voice and glanced up from her screen.

“In here Lionel”

Simon looked up from his basket momentarily then flopped back down, closing his eyes and growling pathetically in the pit of his throat.

Lionel appeared in the doorway holding the basket in both hands and Soneya tilted her head to one side.

“Awww...what have you done?”

Lionel blushed and smiled.

“We, ahh...saw a light on from the shop as we were closing up. Ruth thought you might like something to eat”

Soneya's eyes narrowed with a cheeky grin out of one side of her mouth.

“She knew didn't she – that I would have skipped dinner?”

Lionel nodded as he set the basket down on the chair and and began depositing the items from the basket onto the desk. The smell of the rich homemade soup hit Soneya's nostrils and instantly her stomach grumbled.

“Well...she must be pscyhic. I'm starving” Soneya remarked as she fished her purse out from her desk drawer and began to take some notes out for Lionel.

“Oh no,” Lionel said holding up his hand to stop her. “This one is on us. Consider it...our treat”

Soneya hesitated, eyeing him curiously before closing the purse again and setting it down.

“You didn't have to do this”

“I know” Lionel said. “That's why we did. We can't have you fading away on us. This town needs a lawyer too badly”

Lionel nodded at the chaos on her desk.

“That looks to be quite a...challenge?”

Soneya threw her hands up in mock exasperation then she made some room on the desk so that she could set her meal down.

“I'm trying to organize all of Harry's old clients who've indicated they wanted to come back to me. I want to stream line everything into an electronic system but I can only do it at night though - after hours”

“Have you thought about getting a secretary to help you with all of this? It seems an awful lot to try and negotiate on your own”

Soneya nodded through a mouthful of the soup.

“I wish I could Lionel but I don't have quite enough spare cash right now to afford a secretary. Most of the money went into getting this old building up to scratch again”

Lionel looked around at the work Soneya had done to renovate her grandfather's practice from a dilapidated old house that masqueraded as a legal practice into a smart and modern office. He nodded admiringly.

“Well...there are people around the town who would gladly help you. You only need ask”

“Oh I'm sure” Soneya agreed wryly. “But this is something I need to do on my own. Besides – there is enough fodder in this disaster zone here to keep the Stafford gossip mill running for the next two years”

Lionel chuckled as he made room for himself on the chair and sat down.

“I...met that fellow from Melbourne the other day,” he said, venturing a change in subject. “He seemed like a decent man”
Soneya nodded non-commitally.

“He was...”

"He mentioned he was the Director of that Festival” Lionel continued, feeling incredibly awkward.

“Mmm-hmm,” Soneya responded from behind the bowl of soup, eyeing him knowingly. She had already twigged as to where this was heading.

Lionel steepled his fingers together in his lap and looked down at them as an uneasy quiet settled between them.

"Did he...enjoy the Bistro?"

Soneya placed the soup bowl down on the desk with an expression of mock exasperation and smiled.

"You don't do prying very well Lionel"

His shoulders relaxed and he looked at her apologetically.

"Evidently not. I'm sorry"

"He came to ask me to present an award at the Festival...in memory of Denny...but I told him I couldn't go"

"Why ever not?" Lionel almost gasped.

Soneya hesitated, suddenly feeling as though she had to search for a reason.

"Because...I have too much to do here," her response came out much too harshly and she blinked and immediately felt ashamed. She continued more calmly. "I couldn't possibly leave the practice for a whole week when I've got this to contend with"

She gestured expressively at her desk for effect.

Lionel considered her occupational predicament and tilted one brow in acknowledgement.

"Well...I can appreciate the work you must have to do in order to make all of this...work. But Soneya...you haven't had any time off in over a year. Surely the practice could survive without you for a week".

Soneya shook her head and rubbed her brow.

"I just...can't Lionel. It's just too much"

Lionel wasn't at all convinced by Soneya's reasoning and though his conscience told that he should relent, something else overtook his rationality at that moment.

"What about Denny?" he ventured cautiously. "This seems like an wonderful opportunity...to do something...you know, special. To celebrate his life"

Soneya stiffened imperceptibly then. She lowered her head just slightly and her eyes narrowed.

"Lionel...you're going too far" she warned him. Even though she wasn't entirely serious, Soneya let her tone remain stony.

Lionel took the hint. He stood up awkwardly out of the chair and looked at Soneya sympathetically.

"You're right. It's none of my business at all. I'm...I'm sorry I even mentioned it"

Soneya remained seated and didn't say anything. Her eyes darted between him and the floor and though she held onto the soup bowl she'd stopped eating from it. She could feel herself shaking with the familiar sensation of desolate grief that she fought against so often.

Lionel stood there, his features etched with concern but his inner voice told him 'no more' and this time he listened.

"I shall...go. I'll see you in tomorrow...okay?"

Soneya nodded swiftly and closed her eyes.

Lionel quiety closed the front gate and glanced once more at the front window of the cottage. He felt awful for having been so interfering but also for having so clearly upset Soneya. Ruth was right - she was like a daughter to them both.

Lionel stepped off the curb and crossed the street towards the shop.

"Why does everybody think they have a right to interfere?"

Lionel spun around abruptly to find Soneya standing there outside the cottage gate. Her face seemed devoid of emotion and it chilled him.

"No one is trying to interfere Soneya," Lionel said evenly.

"Oh that's rubbish Lionel and you know it" Soneya shot back angrily, her voice shaking. "This entire bloody town wants to wrap me in cotton wool. They think I'm going to break apart"

Lionel shook his head sympathetically.

"That's simply not true," he said. "Everyone here just wants you to be happy Soneya. And...some of us who care about you very much can see that you're not"

Lionel stepped forward, his arms outstretched in exasperation. Soneya baulked, her cheeks flushed red with anger. She crossed her arms defiantly across her body to protect herself.

"What is that you're protecting yourself from Soneya? Why it is that you feel you need to cocoon yourself here - working 16 hour days, holing yourself up in that house, not mixing with anybody?"

"I don't have to justify myself to you!" Soneya spat viciously. "What I do here is my own business! I don't have to mix with anybody!"

"No...no you don't...," Lionel paused as he considered his words carefully. "...but if you keep limiting yourself from living in this world Soneya, you're going to miss out on the possibilities of experiencing it. Denny wouldn't have wanted that for you. You have your whole life still ahead of you. Why hold yourself back?"

"Bec...because I have responsibilities!," stammered. "My practice is too important to just step away from whenever I feel like it!"

"That's not it" Lionel challenged her, shaking his head slowly.

Soneya blinked at him incredulously, wiping furiously at her eyes.

"Because here is where I feel safe Lionel!" she shouted angrily. "Because...here I feel as though he never left - that he's still with me!!"

Her eyes glazed over then with tears that streamed freely down over her face. Suddenly her features contorted into a mask of raw anguish and she began rocking from side to side, gazing off into the distance.

"Why did he have to leave me Lionel!?" she cried. "Why!?"

Lionel immediately went to her and enveloped Soneya in his arms as she went completely to pieces. Burying her head into his chest she wailed, as all the pent up grief that she had held back for months and months finally collapsed forth like a tidal wave.

"Why!?"

Lionel closed his eyes and held her close to him, recognizing what was happening; his heart was breaking for her.

"He couldn't hold on any longer, dear child," he whispered into her hair. "You know that. It was his time. He knew that. Denny wouldn't want you to hide away forever"

Soneya sobbed and sobbed. So hard that she could no longer hold herself up but Lionel held her close, supporting her, allowing her to collapse, to let her emotions carry her. All those long months of holding herself together, of concentrating on all the things she had to do in her life just to keep going, of denying the grief that had been trapped deep down inside her for so long - all of it tumbled forth like a tidal wave and it overwhelmed her. The 'wall' had finally collapsed and she was exposed by her emotions.

"I don't want to go on without him Lionel! He was my best friend, my...best friend. I loved him so much"

Ruth appeared in the doorway then, her own features were swollen with emotion and she was struggling to conceal her own sobs. Evidently she had overheard the exchange from inside the store.

Lionel looked over at her and nodded, mouthing 'It's alright'.

Ruth stepped down onto the street and came over, gingerly putting a hand upon Soneya's shoulder. She dropped down onto her haunches and surrounded Soneya's small frame with her arms and held her.

"I'm going to make up the spare bed" Ruth decided then and there. "Soneya - you can stay with us tonight my dear. I'll not let you go home to that empty house like this"

Soneya was too numb to protest. Lionel gathered her up in his arms and carried her into the shop and through into their house where he gently deposited her onto the sofa in their sitting room. Ruth followed behind him, having retrieved Simon from the practice and his blanket from the basket. She folded it into a mat of sorts and set it down at the foot of the sofa where upon Simon sat down and looked up at Soneya worriedly, whimpering softly.

Ruth then brought a quilt in from their room and lay it over Soneya as Lionel sat there on the sofa cradling her.

"Here will be good enough" he whispered to Ruth as she pulled up a chair and sat down beside her husband. She nodded in understanding. Together they remained there with Soneya until she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

By the time the international leg of his journey was underway and the flight was far above the Pacific Ocean, Andy had settled in to the rhythm of the aircraft. Though they had been delayed for an extra hour in Los Angeles it hadn't seemed very long at all and time had passed by quickly. It was now mid afternoon and the passengers were beginning to settle in for the roughly 16 hour journey to Melbourne. Some were watching in flight entertainment, many were napping. Andy had taken out the literature for the Festival from his shoulder bag and sat back quietly reviewing it.

The program for the concert series was to be laid out over a week of competition. Over the first five days the one hundred delegates that had been selected from conservatoriums all across the world would compete in a series of heats where two delegates would be selected from a field of twenty each day. They would progress to a semi final round on the Saturday where ten delegates would compete for five positions in the final on Sunday. The prize was considerable - a ten thousand dollar cheque and an invitation to record on a prestigious classical label in Australia for a release that would be distributed world wide.

Andy's heat had been set down for the Tuesday afternoon just after lunch. It was as good a position as any he reasoned. He wouldn't have to wait too long to perform and he would be relatively fresh. It was give him an opportunity to view the mornings contestants and get a feel for how good the competition field would be. He had two pieces in mind for his performance - the second movement of a famed sonata "Grand Solo Op. 14" by Fernando Sor and the piece Andy had performed that very first time in the Pub a mere few months ago - “The Sounds of Rain (Part 3)" by contemporary English composer William Lovelady. It was a more obscure but no less enchanting piece.

Sor's second movement had an orchestral flare that lent itself well to a concert performance and it required considerable attention to technique in order for it to be carried convincingly. Of all the great guitar composers, Andy felt a particular affinity with Fernando Sor because his works suited the solo style well - which Andy felt most at home with.

Andy was, however, leaning towards the Lovelady piece which wasn't as long but it was a complex arrangement with rich atmospherics and a unique visual soul. And it was one of those pieces in which the title really did say it all - it's description evoked vivid scenes of the rain. Andy remembered when he had played "The Sounds of Rain" as a child – the first piece that he had mastered with the guitar. In fact he wasn't sure now if it was himself or Denny who had happened upon it. But his knowledge of the piece was intimate. Though he knew he was taking a risk bringing a less well known piece with him into the competition Andy believed firmly that "Sounds of Rain" would best showcase his own skill and technique and challenge him. For it was when Andy was challenged that he tended to produce his best playing.

He did not want to think too much about the final - he felt if he did he would jinx himself. However he had a piece in mind for the final round - a concerto that would require an orchestral accompaniment. It was the second movment in the famed Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquin Rodrigo – an incredibly tender and emotive piece that had taken on a life of it's own in popular culture. Though Andy was wary of just how prominent the “Adagio” was he felt that he had what it took to make the piece his own for this particular gathering.

He had recordings of all pieces on his iPhone and he listened to them over and over again noting the unique form and texture of the pieces, their tones and harmonies. He mentally practiced the fingerings making mental notes of where he would need to apply his most intense concentration. He emptied his mind of almost everything else.

Almost everything...

Soneya was never far from his vision and it took very little for her face to center itself in his mind's eye. Once the Festival was finished he would find his way north to Stafford to her. He would explain himself to her somehow – convince her of the truth of who he was. How he was going to do that he had no idea but somehow he knew a way would present itself.

Andy closed his eyes and drifted in his mind from his environment; from the quiet cabin of the jet. And in that moment he was suddenly overwhelmed by a intense feeling of sadness, of loss. It was as though he could feel the distress of another somewhere close by who was grieving. And when he closed his eyes again he could see her in his mind...he could see her tears and her pain and it took his breath away. The intensity of the feeling caused his eyes to snap open and he was back inside the cabin. He sat there stunned and sweating, unsure of what had just happened. Taking a napkin from the seat pocket in front of him Andy wiped the sweat from his brow and blinked away the lingering tendrils of grief.

It was her...He had felt her.

* * *

In the dead of night, Soneya awoke with a start as a similar sensation passed through her - the sensation of a presence somewhere close by; a familiar presence that touched her and felt her grief. She blinked in the darkness, looking around her and seeing only Simon lying curled up at her feet on the end of the sofa. Her heart thumped and she lay back staring up at the ceiling.

She had felt someone...she had felt him...

Copyright © 2009, Dean Mayes.

Walking With A "Dream"

I thought I would take time out and interrupt the regularly scheduled programming to update you all on the progress of my novella...well it's actually - officially - a novel now because, having read a few books on creative writing recently, I now have a manuscript whose word length (+40,000) now qualifies as a fully blown novel.

I know that the frequency of posts has slowed up considerably of late but - as I work towards the finale - I am finding it more and more difficult to write. Which is not to say that I am giving up - rather - it just means that I'm needing more time to put together the chapters. I have been suffering from awful writers block too which has been incredibly frustrating - especially when I have the basic structure in hand to complete the novel. It's just that putting the scenes together and trying to make them sound convincing has been a supreme head f***!

In order to keep the momentum up, I have gone back in the story and add a few scenes here and there based upon some brainstorming sessions I have done in order to circumvent the writer's block and for the most part that has worked well. The novel has developed quite differently from what you have been reading here - some characterizations have changed and I've enhanced some plot threads in order to give them more weight...I hope...

I guess what I will do in the coming weeks is keep you updated with my progress rather than have you show up to my blog in the hope of getting something new and instead seeing something...not...new (??).

I value your opinions on the work you have seen here and I actively encourage them. I want to be able to bring to you a final product that is as good as it can possibly be.

Thanks for following "Dreams Of A Love Indestructible" so far and rest assured that the "Dream" is nearly there...

DFA.

Dreams Of A Love Indestructable (Part Six).

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