Music The Peramangk Brought To Me.

Imagine...a young girl, born of poverty, of sorrow. Her life is one of struggle, of pain. She lives with little thought to tomorrow. Yet she smiles - for she has a gift. A special gift. And on a cold and wintry night, she will raise up her violin and look out from a stage and she will play this hymn. 

Will this gift set her free?

Close your eyes...

DFA.

Letters From The Black Dog.

I hate the feeling of being sucked into the vortex that is depression.


I had this very experience just yesterday after I received a letter in the mail that, admittedly, I had been expecting and thus, dreading receiving. I didn't even have to open it and the bloody floor dropped out from under me. With the click of the fingers, I found myself falling into a familiar pall of darkness, where self doubt, self loathing and overriding guilt are free to run rampant. These are all feelings that still cling to me right now as I write this. They are undoubtedly debilitating. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Any thoughts of writing right now have stopped with the impact of a train wreck. These are all familiar symptoms. I've wrestled with them before - have tried to stop them from clinging.


But in all of this, I have begun to consider that maybe I am clinging to them.


I’ve actually begun asking myself the question of whether I have formed the habit of taking absurd comfort in my depression, whether by succumbing to it, I can avoid the outside world and people in particular. Right now, it feels as though there are people out there who are determined to destroy me and because of that, I start to regard everyone with suspicion - even those closest to me. I withdraw. I don't answer the phone. I becone very quiet. And for a time, I'm okay with that - with shutting myself out. There is a sense if safety in that.


But then the darker thoughts come and I revile myself. How could I be so destructive? So selfish and inconsiderate of my loved ones? The guilt returns in a new way. The revulsion and guilt feed off one another and eventually I know it is a place where I don’t want to be.


I read elsewhere this morning about one hearing one's inner voice and finding their way to it in order to climb out of the darkness. The trouble for me is that I've never been good at finding my inner voice. Rational thought in the midst of blind panic that lasts for 12 hours or more is bound to get lost in the maelstrom.


Yet here and now, writing this, I do feel a sort of calm. The maelstrom is still here, but it has moved to the back ground - a sort of big black ball of chaotic energy, spinning.


Maybe it is in writing where my inner voice resides. For it is here where I can take refuge from everything that is dark and threatening. I can regain a sense of rationality and calm and begin to think without the vestiges of panic.


I do sense that I’ll prevail, eventually. I'll deal with the letter in time and move forward.


These feelings really do suck the big one.


DFA.

The Maple Ridge - There Need Be No Other Title.

April 17th (April 18th in Australia) sees the world wide release of New York outfit Swear & Shake's debut long player "Maple Ridge". This is an album I have long been looking forward to, ever since I chronicled the band in my 2011 T.N.B.N.O.T feature. At that time, I had discovered S & S through their self titled E.P. which quickly rose to the top of my playlist and has remained there ever since. Back then, I felt their music was a kind of nod to the likes of Simon & Garfunkel, Arlo Guthrie, Henry Rollins and The Decemberists. Make no mistake though - Swear and Shake have a passionately individual and original sound that should be seen and experienced on it's own terms.

"Maple Ridge" represents and important milestone for the band. Funded partially through Kickstarter - of which I was a proud contributor - the album show cases Swear & Shake in all their indie cred glory. And it is a sumptuous album, full of charm and character, brass and banjos, accordions and acoustics. Recording as they did at the titular Maple Ridge barn in upstate New York, the overall sound has a beauty that is warm and real - untainted by the studio process. The production team have experimented, drawing on the natural acoustics within the barn and adding them to the aural tableaux which makes the listening experience just so damned interesting. The core musicians along with their guest artists are at the top of their game too, bringing each track an individual style - no two tracks are quite the same but, as a collection, they are synchronous - they belong together. And of course, the vocal duets between Kari and Adam are raucous at times, intimate at others and honest always. They have fun and they have heart. It is a jewel of a recording.

As I write this, I've been away in rural South Australia on a locum placement and I've had the good fortune (as a Kickstarter backer) to have an advance listen. It has become my soundtrack to my journey on the back roads and highways of the Outback, a perfect accompaniment to the wide open spaces of the rural heartland, the wheat fields and the sheep paddocks and the towering grain silos that are really, the only evidence that anyone is out here. "Maple Ridge" really does suit any place though or any mood. Losing yourself in it is sublime.

If you are a connosieur of an earthy sound, an indie folk rockabilly,  this is an album that you must treat yourself to. Do yourself a big favor. "Maple Ridge" is available for purchase directly from the band's website in either digital download or physical CD. 


DFA.